Choice Relationships: 2008:
Choosing to Create Better Trust.
Circulation 1631
Volume 27 August 2008
In This Issue:
My Personal Insights:
Choice Tips:
Additional Resources I Recommend:
Empowering Information and Tools:
When similar incidents happen together, I pay attention. I believe that such things occur because I'm being shown a lesson. Recently, while waiting for a friend to arrive from out-of-town, a woman was waiting to take the same public transportation back. Due to traffic, the bus was delayed. The woman was attempting to manage a portable oxygen tank as well as a carry-on piece of luggage. Clearly, the wait time would be difficult for her. As I assisted her in to the local hotel to have a seat and assured her I'd get her when the bus came, she kept questioning why I was being so nice. In the next incident, after driving around for hours because I couldn't get on to flooded highways, I ended up at a gas station with many customers who made me very uncomfortable. One unsavory man followed me in to the office. But to my pleasant surprise it was he who helped me find my way home.
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ALWAYS INSIGHTFUL I wanted to thank you for your informative newletters... Melissa N. I'VE LEARNED A LOT FROM YOUR PERSONAL INSIGHTS Thanks for your insight on relationships. I am a widow trying to start a new relationship, and surely, your advice has been a big help. Keep up the good work, Dr K!!"
YOUR INSIGHTS HELPED ME IMPORVE Thank you so much for your helpful insights. They have helped improve my life and my relationships with others. Elizabeth, Australia Thank you, great advice!!!!! David S. |
Building Trust
Clearly, we live in fear of one another. There is a basic distrust. Is this caused by not knowing one another? Is it our differences? Is this not why there is so much world conflict?
Based on the outcomes, in neither case was there a reason. But here's the thing. When I finally got home and was talking to my husband about it, he asked if I had that look of fear on my face -- that look that would tell others, "I'm afraid, I'm vulnerable, I'm a target."
His point is very valid. We're always reacting to one another, even if it's at a sub-awareness level. You give off certain energy that can be picked up by others. The problem is that though others pick up your reactions, they don't always interpret it correctly. In these cases, there was fear. But it could easily have been interpreted as say, lack of appreciation.
I'm not sure if there's an easy solution to this problem. Is there a prevalence of universal fear that trickles down to couples or is it the other way around? But I do know that trust is a basic dynamic for any relationship to be strong. And since it's not likely that you or I can do anything on a global level, I suggest that each of us try to be more mindful on an individual level.
If you each start to be more helpful and open to others, maybe little by little we can all start to trust each other. Wouldn't that be grand?
Choice Tips:
- It's okay to have your emotions, even fear, but you don't have to react to them.
- A good way to calm your emotional response down when you start to notice that you are reacting to someone is to take a long deep slow breath.
- Consider the possibility that though someone might be behaving a certain way outwardly, your interpretation of why he or she is acting that way can very well be wrong. If you are close enough to the person, you can question why he or she did what they did rather than assume.
- Do be honest enough with yourself to know you have filtering systems including stereotypes. Sadly, we all are held back by our prejudices.
- Be willing to do random acts of kindness. You (or I) are not going to be able to save the world from all its deadly conflict. But if you each do something small, little by little, it can make a difference
- Start by appreciating and doing something nice for the special people in your life.
Additional Resources I Recommend:
Here are two inspirational stories that I hope will encourage you to act out of kindness since small acts do make a difference:
http://www.blueribbonmovie.com/
http://www. historiadeunletrero.com/
Empowering Tools and Information:
There are no special products I have to offer this month that I believe are consistent with this newsletter. By not presenting any to you, I hope it will build your trust in me.
Perhaps you could make a small gesture to show your trust and forward this newsletter to 10 of your friends. Allow them to learn some choice tips too!